Revealer of Willies
Trainer of Champions
At Cross Combat our instructors are not chosen because they won a medal in a competition (though they all have). We don't hire status symbols. Instead they're hired because a) they're great fun and b) they get people good.
These are the guys who make the office picnic feel like a hot date, they're the guys who would keep you going in the Gulag. "I tell you what, Doris, it was hard work up in the Gulag but you know what? We didn't half laugh".
Think of your favourite classes at school. The teachers didn't have medals did they? And they didn't astound you with their knowledge. Nope. They made you feel good about learning - and then you learned well.
William teaches BJJ,, Flexibility and a spot of MMA
Described through bated breath and behind closed doors as "an asshole", William is just misunderstood.
His genius for teaching and his passion for excellence are world-renowned but his tendency to get ratty when hungry is known only rather more locally.
Give him a snack, however, and he rolls over and waits to be tickled. Tickle him and his passion for life and for you will come afire.
He believes in you more than you believe in yourself..
Having been training in the martial arts since 1995, BJJ since 2001, and spent extended periods training in both Japan and Brazil, William is "in great shape considering".
Despite all that experience he's still on his martial arts journey, seeking the holy grail of martial arts excellence... being able to consistently communicate to his students "lift your right hand up" in a way that doesn't have them first put their left leg down,
He's won competitions.
He writes lengthy articles on learning, winning and awesomeness on his blog - mostly just to help him find a hot, asian bride to push him on the swings while discussing deep philosophical matters.
His blog is here.
Call him "William", "Boss" or "William".
He's a bit like - A cross between Larry David, Peter Griffin and Kelsey Grammar.
Hoss teaches BJJ, Striking and MMA
When Hoss first shuffled into the gym dribbling and shaking, he was so nervous he couldn't look anyone in the eye. When a few weeks later his wrong-angled gaze meant he was accidentally offered a cage fight he immediately accepted because, as he ruefully recalls, "I didn't want to look like a dick".
And so began the William-Hoss partnership, the most frustrating, worthwhile and inspirational journey you could possibly hope for.
In that time, Hoss has never turned down a challenge. Whether it be ordering Haddock in Woolworths or fighting the nearly-best in the cage. He's won some, he's lost some but the most important thing is that he's the poster boy for "never giving in" or, as he'd call it, "always going on".
If he can do it, you can too. No really. There's no way you're as bad as he was. Learn from the worst who became the best.
Call him "Hoss", "Ross", "Coach" or "Hossikins"
He's a bit like - A cross between Mike Tyson, Iggy Pop and Scrappy-Doo.
Calum teaches Muay Thai and Pad Classes
When he's not enjoying his lobster-based "bulking up phase" in Aberdeen, Posh Cal does everything he can to mimic an 80s junk bond salesman high on life, cocaine and fuschia tinted pin-stripes.
To him, "big business is ballsy business" and in the gym, his business is the hitty-kicky. He spins. he jumps, he does 19 Hit Combos and for an entire round and a half he'll spar you like a cocaine-fueled monkey on his brand new trampoline.
And then ... the real magic happens...
Calum has the unparalleled capacity to motivate, inspire, and make you feel like what you just did was better than he ever dreamed he could do himself. And yet you know, you just know, that what he does and dreams for himself is way beyond what your average mortal would pretend to achieve - or would even contemplate acheiving - in jest.
This is a man who, with the power of his words, tone, and rock-solid, genuine enthusiasm could make a fat burd feel like Kate Moss - and not just to get a bite of her biscuit.
With his ebullient quiff and his Laird of The Welcoming Manor manner, Calum is often to be found arriving peculiarly early and opening the gym for others. If a welcoming quiff let's you in before proceeding to stretch, it's Posh Cal.
Call him, "Calum", "Connor," or "Flaberdeen".
He's a bit like - A cross between The Wolf of Wall Street, The Big Bad Wolf and a slightly softer Mr Motivator.
Sayer of Things
Our Instructors Rock!!!!!!! !! !!! ! !!!!
Dregs does 1-on-1's in Whingelessness
You know how in Terminator 2, the Arnie character just keeps... on... going... There's no way to stop the guy. Even if you've seen the film ten times you'll probably still have a little smile at some point in the film where you think to yourself, "but ... he just keeps... on... going..."
Well that character's not based on Dregs and Dregs never thought to base his life around a robot warrior from the future but if he had...
This is a guy who purposely fattened up by 15kilos (3 stone!!) and then just burned it off again in a month. You just can't eat enough when you do what this guy does - this is a guy who runs marathons just to keep people company after all. He's also a guy who put bricks in his rucksack because his uphill run home was "a bit easy". He's a guy who'll do pressups between every shot in a game of badminton because he's "just not getting a sweat up".
So if you want to get fit or get "in-shape," or over-prepare for any of that girlie "Tough Mudder" nonsense, Dregs is the man for you. Just being around this guy will cause you to rethink your misplaced ideas of your own potential.
There'll be none of that annoying nutrition hassle. There'll be none of that scientifically based exercise programming. Nope, this guy will beast you. He will push you, he'll exhaust you, he'll watch you cry and say, "ten more".
He'll make a man out of you. He'll make you crack. He'll make you crack and then glue yourself together again. And all with an enviable lightness and humour that makes shaking with exhaustion feel like the best fun you ever had.
If fitness is the ability to keep going hard and fast at all times - and if you want that fitness, Dregs is the man for you
Call him "Dregs," "Del" or "Derek P0wns"
He's a bit like - A cross between Bernard Manning, Hulk Hogan and the T-800.
Exhauster of Men
Eater of Pies
Attempter of Jokes
Georgio teaches kickboxing and flirts at the desk
Not unlike a circle of boys in a public school dormitory, Georgio is a solid all-rounder with skills in muay thai, bjj, and wrestling. He's also had a bash in the cage.
With his enthusiasm, boundless energy and talent at teaching every class, he is happy to take privates in anything.
He's the club fall guy, the butt of all jokes. He's there to take it so you don't have to but, as he "humorously" puts it, he likes to give it hard too.
An expert at cutting weight, his proudest achievement is his competition-ready six pack - which he achieves annually - and says he gets simply by consuming less sausage. His top tip for dietary success? Simply hide the foods you find most tempting.
When he's not teaching, Georgio's mostly found at the front desk chatting up the pretty people, sitting on the sofa laptopping, or helping the other instructors out.
London born - with nationality depending on both the day of the week and Hoss's generosity - he's there with his peculiar blend of Mediterranean Cockney-ness to ensure you feel welcome, have a lovely time, and get your phone number. Add him on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and all other social media.
Call him "Georgio", "Sergio" or anytime.
He's a bit like - a cross between a greasy, kebab shop guy, Delboy Trotter and Casanova
Paris grooms the little kiddies and teaches PJ BJJ to adults
Not a Pussy